stuck still

today i felt very.. uhm, disappointed? frustrated? shruggy?

i feel stuck somewhere and i might be standing still, i might be going backwards, but i don't feel like i'm going anywhere. every time i get to lunge ahead is during these.. moments. they are just amazing and they ignite me and just make me feel so.. just brilliant. but i mean, they seem so rare, they are getting smash-ed by the weight of normality--humdrummity. and i just don't know if i should stay here waiting, staring... longing. i mean, is there anything more to give? anything more to take? i don't want to think about these things. not at all. (i want to... hold you and mean it. thats something. thats something to give. to take. to share.)